Tonsilloliths

WARNING: THIS IS A VERY GRAPHIC AND DISGUSTING ENTRY. TO THOSE WHO ARE SENSITIVE TO ILLNESS OR ANY MEDICAL ISSUES DEALING WITH INFECTION--PLEASE, SAVE YOUR LUNCH. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING STORY. AND, YES, IT REALLY IS THAT BAD.

You may remember my vivid dream of being stuck in a dumpster (number 8) which woke me into the terrible reality that my breath really smelled... like a dumpster.

Chronic bad breath is something that I have dealt with for a really long time. I don't remember having bad breath when I was little, or suffering from a stinky mouthpiece when I finished playing my flute or piccolo for hours on end in high school... but I've suffered from terrible breath for a really long time. Who wouldn't say that suffering from bad breath every morning was bad? Well, a thorough brushing and mouthwash rinse wear off after a while, and my nasty dumpster breath comes back. And it's just as bad as when I woke up.

I use a tongue scraper to clean my tongue, from allllll the way back, and alllll the way to the tip of my tongue. I brush my cheeks with my toothbrush once I'm finished with my teeth and gums. Mouthwash is a given for me. I've never been big on flossing, but the stinky breath isn't coming from my mouth, I could tell. My tongue didn't taste bad. And when I could really stop and pay attention, I could taste that the nasty breath wasn't coming from my lungs or stomach from a stinky meal. But I could never really pinpoint the problem.

Then comes this past week. I've been suffering from a cold which started as a general head soreness, moved to an ear infection, and has settled itself comfortably into the sniffles and a little juicy cough. With the cough, it's much worse in the morning, a hard cough might sound nasty but not bring any satisfying results. But as the day goes on, things loosen up and it's mostly sniffles and a clearing of the throat from then on out.

With the cough, and trying the get the yuckies out of my throat, I've been noticing some little yellowish-white pellets. Not boogers. Not puss. But somewhere in between. Upon inspection of one earlier in the week, I squished it in between my fingers, and the foulest, most rank smell EVER was the result. The little pellet squished into a grainy, sticky mess on my finger and thumb. And the smell, as disgusting and horrifying as it was, reminded me of something very familiar: my breath.

Fast forward to this afternoon. Lots of chatting over Gmail chat with my best friend Chelsea, lots of laundry and cleaning and planning. Lots of online house shopping and talking over the phone with the Hub. And then I felt it. A loose lump in the back of my throat.

I raced to the bathroom in the guest bedroom, where the bulbs are brightest thanks to all the surrounding mirrors and skylight above. I opened my mouth, stuck out my tongue, and flexed my tonsils. Sure enough, out popped one of those nasty balls of grossness. For some reason, I squished it in between my finger and my thumb again. This time, the smell made me gag. As I held back my lunch over the sink, I felt more in the back of my throat. I opened up. Terror struck my insides. I just knew I was dying of throat cancer.

I ran to the fireplace mantle where our gigantic flashlight is, and ran back into the bathroom to get a closer look. My right tonsil was practically exploding with these disgusting pods of infected grossness.

And they smelled like my dumpster breath. I could tell as I was swabbing them up with q-tip after q-tip. I'll save some of the "surfacing" details because if the image hasn't made you puke so far, the details probably would. But by the time I squished around my tonsil for about 20 minutes, I'd say I had enough of these things to cover the face of a quarter.

I know.

At this point, I was convinced that I was dying of throat cancer, and rushed to the computer to type up "trusty" ole webmd.com. Typed in the word tonsils.

And next came probably the single largest epiphany I have ever had! These nasty, smelly pellets have a name. They are a sort of "condition" one could say. These things are called "Tonsilloliths" or Tonsil Stones.

Okay, so, I'm not dying. Maybe. Let's follow the links and make sure mine look like what the descriptions are telling me.

http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/tonsil-stones-tonsilloliths-treatment-and-prevention

That link above was the first set of information I had ever read on this nasty condition. Next, I clicked over from some link and found these articles. Beware, there are graphic photos of these nasty, infected tonsil impostors:

link to article and pictures

That entire web site is pretty much an advertisement for the doctor she raves about, but the graphic explanations about the stones was enough to make me jump up and down.

Now I know why my breath is always so nasty. It's not what I'm eating. It's not cancer hardening and tumbling out of my throat. They're existent in about 25% of adults who still have their tonsils. Dangit, I'm one of them.

Please don't hate me. Don't look at me with disgust or shy away from talking with me in an up-close conversation in a noisy room. I know what the problem is, and now I can work to fix it. Question is, should I poke at my tonsils for the rest of my life with Q-tips, or have them removed altogether?

Either way, I'm done with dumpster breath.

Just... read it.

Chelsea: trisha, i have proof that i desperately need you back.

me: why! lemme hear it!

Chelsea: without you here to knock sense into me, i have turned into something i have avoided for a couple of years now.

me: a blonde?

Chelsea: that would probably be better. but this is who i am, i shouldn't be ashamed.

i am...

a Twifan.

a Twihard

a TwiCrack addict.

me: ummm

oh no

i know

...light.

Chelsea: oh no is right

me: i've been so ashamed

so embarrassed

so disappointed

Chelsea: my blogger dashboard shows me anonymously following the dealers to feed my addiction

i know way too much about the series.

i am currently reading the first book again for the 5th time...

after trying to read another book and taking 20 minutes to read the first sentence.

i.

am.

ruined.

and you know what is the worst part?

me: i don't know if i want to!

but tell me

Chelsea: the person i did depend on to pick me up out of my Twi-Hole...

fell into it, too.

me: andrew

i know, i know.

i shake my head in disbelief

Chelsea: i.

ruined.

my.

husband.

me: just sit back and think about what you've done

take a look in the mirror

at your cute little short hair

and your favorite green striped dress

and the fang scars on your neck!

you fool!

Chelsea: but in twilight they don't have fangs

and they sparkle in the sunlight

me: so they're fairies

Chelsea: BAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAA

oops

i literally just laughed out loud

at my desk

at work

me: alone in your office

Chelsea: it would be better if i was in an office! i'm at a reception desk!

me: more proof that you've destroyed yourself

Chelsea: my life is over.

Country road, take me home to the place I belong!

Get ready, guys, we're moving back to Georgia!


What was probably a quick and relieving two-hour "interview" conversation in Moultrie, Georgia this morning for Carlton was indeed a grueling, terrible, miserable two hours for me with a phone that WOULD! NOT! RING! Finally, after my imagination led me to believe that Carlton was driving through the front yards of Moulrtie homeowners and smashing plants along with mailboxes on his way out of town with tears streaming down his face after he was rejected (breeeeeeeathe.), my phone rang. And it wasn't another text from my sister begging me to calm down... my phone screen flashed, "Hubby is calling!" Okay, here goes. I hunkered down on the sofa and braced myself. "Hey, you."

"Hey, babe, you wanna live in Moultrie?"

All I could do was cry and nod.

Carlton got the job offer on the spot, and I can say that I am a very, very proud, pleased, and relieved wife. He's so excited about the family of guys he's already met there in the office. "They're so nice, Trisha. They're just really good people. Mr. Rowell is going to be a good man to work for." Carlton's voice sounded so relieved, thankful, and proud.

Up front, from what I can understand, Carlton will be streamlining a lot of redundancy in their computer programs. He'll stand as their one and only guy for all computer needs. He's going to have a high-stress job, but only because if it works it's because of him... and if it doesn't... it's because of him. Lots of web programming and maintenance. Lots of challenges and fun projects. What an amazing opportunity for him to grow and prove himself!

Lots of phonecalls and texts to family and friends. I broke the news to a couple of my very favorite girls at work, and we all shared a frown, smile, and hug. I'm going to miss these girls soooooo badly. They are one of the reasons I warmed up to Arizona (no pun intended!) as much as I have.

A rental truck has already been reserved (and will be driven by paid professionals this time, whew!!!). A yard sale is being planned for next weekend. A couple other major plans are sill in limbo, but hey, I got the news two hours before I had to leave for work this afternoon!

For now, I'm just taking this one minute at a time, and thanking Good God Almighty for answering our prayers so quickly and abundantly. We have been blessed that we both have jobs here, and that we could live in this house and stay at our jobs here in Arizona until a perfect opportunity came along. We have never been left needing anything in the job search, and that is truly a blessing!

I have the need to start making lists and start organizing things: move, toss, donate, sale. This is going to be a very busy two weeks!

Day 8: Venice

Day 8 of the trip, we arrived back in Venice around 9:00am. It was a beautiful ship, loads of fun, and the best company anyone could ask for.

Yes, the water really was this color:

A beautiful and gigantic yacht our water taxi buzzed by on our way from the shipyard:

Our hotel for the last night of the vacation, Hotel Castello.

San Marco Square, one last time:

Carlton's got a last-minute plane ticket to buy, and Big Saunders needed to check some work email. I loved this internet cafe. Check out the column! It's authentic.

It's been great, EU, but the Joneses were all in need of some onion rings and a juicy burger!

The Hard Rock: Venice was located at a gondola hot spot!

This monstrous red glass chandelier was made on a small local island to Venice called Murano, where my family (the Lamberths) buys glass every chance we get!

I was bonkers for the interior of this place. I wish I had taken my camera out in the restroom, it was amazing!

Day 7: Dubrovnik, Croatia

Or, as I like to call it, "Dooobrrrrrrovvvvneeeeek!"

We ate breakfast on the very back of the ship, and looked around at the beautiful hills of Croatia.

Once you've walked through the entrance of the walled city and turn a slight left, you have to stop and take this in for a few moments.

Entrance doors to the oldest European pharmacy were ornately decorated with a carving of Jesus draped over the lap of the virgin Mary.

A lovely chandelier light fixture in the entrance halls of the pharmacy:

And just around the corner, there was this. Wow.

More of the pharmacy hallways:

Shadows

A little scrub-scrub to buff and shine the ancient frescoes:

After the pharmacy, we visited a beautiful church.

And to top it all off, the Japs gave us a few laughs with their expressions as they came out of the Croatian restrooms. "I's a hole, onleeee! No seat, jus huuuvah!" Take note here: 4 men in their "line" (but two of them are in the process of leaving the restroom so they shouldn't count), 17 visible women in line before my mom who is at the very bottom left.

Vicki didn't do so well on her one and only try.

Day 6: Corfu

Some pretty apartments with pretty balconies and pretty flowers and pretty shutters.

On our way up to the old fort, I was entranced by the repetition in this beautiful building in the square of their "downtown."

We've made it over to the fort now.

Decorative explosives are pretty and deadly.

Ecce! In pictura est un puella nomine Trisha. Trisha sedet sub arboris.

Just outside the church down hill from the fort:

I think there's something inside that doorway on the right.

And to top off the day, some gyros for the soul.

Day 5: Piraeus (Athens)

The Parthenon wasn't exactly up close and personal when we got out of the train station. But the walk turned out to be a lot shorter than it originally looked. Of course, it was probably about a 3 mile hike, but doesn't this look like about 10 miles away?

We passed by lots of ruins on our gradually inclined walk on the way up. Isn't this beautiful, with the Acropolis way away in the background?

What a taunting little *bleep!* of a sign.

OMG we made it!!! Scott and I were in wonderment. It was so amazing how gigantic these structures were. It was a true DREAM to have seen this place, with our interests, and it was on this day that we earned the nicknames "Pokey 1" and "Pokey 2" from Carlton and the rest of the fam. We couldn't stop staring up at the giant structures, mouths open, cameras clicking, thoughts racing. "It's really THIS BIG???"

These were some of the first stairs we had to actually climb to get up to the Acropolis. Yeah, that entire distance was just a gradual incline, and we were so grateful! How many members of the Lamberth/Jones Family & Friends European Invasion can you spot on the steps? (Haha, if you can find my mom or Carlton, you can tell how annoyed at my Poky-ness they are already!)

I had a very up-close and special meeting with six of the most beautiful women in the world.

Do you think he's tired yet?

I swear, it was like this when we got here!

Day 4 pm: Mykonos

Mykonos, a tiny town on the shore, was quaint and beautiful. We found it easy to enjoy each other's quiet company.

While Carlton and I ordered our first every truly Greek gyro sandwich wraps, Kristen sat for a minute to rest her feet. This cat decided they were friends and sealed the deal with a sweet, fuzzy cuddle in Kristen's lap.

These were the first gyros we had in Greece were from this little hole-in-the-wall (we picked one up whenever we could stand it, and for under 3 euros, who wouldn't?). These were, by far, the very best we had on the entire trip.

Mykonos was lovely and picturesque everywhere we looked.

We watched the sun set behind this curvy church.
After watching the sun set, we found a sweet restaurant tucked behind lots of snug buildings and covered by the canopies of palms. The boys ordered some Ouza, the Greek claim to many hangovers, headaches, and licorice-smelling breath.

Night view of the pretty coastal church from before:

Saying "goodbye" to the port as we sprinted through the rain to the buses which took us back to the ship that night.

Day 4 am: Santorini (Oia and Fira)

We awoke and walked to breakfast earrrrrrrrrrrly. When we stepped out of our cabin, this is what we saw (Carlton approves) :

On the island now, at a viewpoint Carlton and I found away from the cruise crowds. It was simply breathtaking here; don't you agree?

Two squinty-eyed American tourists enjoying the scenery
I think it's a new favorite color of mine:

Gorgeous, huh?

You think the exterior is gorgeous, just wait until you see the inside.

Light a candle for your prayers:

See? I told you the interior was beautiful. And, yes, it's real gold.